sticking to it

I try to stick to a fairly strict sleep schedule. It seems to help a little. I take more care in sticking to the nighttime sleep (from midnight to 8) than to the naps (an hour between 12 and 14, and an hour between 17 and 19). I need to try and stick to the naptimes more.

I think it helps to nap before I get really tired, before I get a sleep-attack. Of course, I can’t prevent the yawning (that’ll start an hour, maybe two, after getting up), but hopefully, I can smooth everything out a little. If I take naps, I have less automatic behaviour epispodes. I get less violent sleep attacks. I do, however, get more violent ones if I take naps for a few days and then skip them.

Once I get used to it, everything seems to get worse if I skip it.

So I fight it. I hate how I absolutely need it. How it chops up my day and makes me stop doing whatever I do and sleep.

I don’t like to sleep.

I used to love it…

the problem with planning

I mentioned I have problems with planning. It mostly comes down to not having any energy left after doing what needs to get done to do any planning with. Productivity and all sounds nice, but you need to have something to go and do all kinds of productive things with.

I try to make things easy on me so I don’t need to spend energy on reacting to surprise events. And that requires planning.

I try. I write things down (I have a bulletjournal) and that helps. But stuff still wooshes by me. I made overnight oats so I don’t have to worry about breakfast. I made a few of them at the same time to preserve energy.

And then I forget about them. Out of sight, out of mind. Safely in the fridge, waiting for me to eat. And I still forget. It happened again this morning.

It might help if I stick a post-it on the fridge to remind me. It might work, or my brain will consider it clutter and filter it out. It does that a lot. It also ignores the drink next to me in favour of telling me to get a new one. I think, because I don’t always remember getting the first one or making the second one.

Setting reminders on my phone doesn’t work either (they drive me crazy and make me very anxious). I need to find a way that removes the pressure, not add more.

I don’t need more pressure.