A kaleidoscope of adventures

As said before, I dream a lot.

It doesn’t take much for me to dream. I’ll fall asleep briefly, for a few minutes, and I dream about this adventure I have, with a hot air balloon, or a submarine and lasersharks (yes, I actually do dream about lasersharks).

I dream about plane-crashes — either with me on the plane or watching it. I dream about murder and death, I dream about zombies that eat my dog, I dream about swimming in a vast ocean with no rescue in sight. I dream about people chasing me, explosions, car-crashes. Murder death kill.

I don’t have to sleep anymore to dream. I only have to close my eyes and a kaleidoscope of adventures happens right in front of me. I’ll see a forest with bunnies, racing ladybugs, Batman (with or without Robin, filmversion or comic or both at the same time). It blurs into one big adventure and separates into individual storylines again.

I watch from a distance and then get sucked in. It feels like how I used to look into the water at the swimmingpool, and then, eyes open, dip my face into the water. Watching from a distance, and then getting sucked in.

Sometimes it spits me out, and I rudely awaken. Sometimes, I’ll float in there. In the kaleidoscope of adventures.

The line between dreams

I dream a lot. Usually nothing too bad, just ‘exciting’, like an over-the-top action movie.

Increasingly, I dream terrible things. Not necessarily nightmares, more emotionally taxing dreams. Most of it doesn’t scare me, no monsters or horrors. It usually involves people I care about dying or something terrible happening to them. I don’t wake up from those with my heart racing, I wake up crying. Tears streaming down my face, me trying to catch my breath. It feels awful.

The feelings last all day, sometimes longer. I find it hard to shake off that feeling. I find it hard to shake off any dream, the lines between them blur, and the one with reality. Sometimes it feels like I live from dream to dream, and reality feels… blurry. Just beyond my grasp.

What does that say about my sanity?