I lost some of my spoons. In the most literal sense. I think I threw them in the bin during an episode (or multiple) of automatic behaviour. Sometimes these episodes last a few seconds, sometimes minutes, or an hour.

I think.

I don’t really know for sure. Time flies a lot for me, even when I feel bored. Or maybe especially when I feel bored. I just zone out and then suddenly, an hour passed. Or two.

I find stuff in weird places. A not-so-hot chocolate in the fridge. A book in the bathroom. Gloves in my bed. Currently I don’t know where I left my small pair of scissors.

And sometimes, I forget to close the front door…

on cataplexy

When it comes to cataplexy I hear that ‘you’ll know it when you have it’. I also read that cataplexy can present itself with (very) mild symptoms and wonder, how would you know?

Recently I’ve had a few incidents which make me think I might have (mild) cataplexy.

A few times something small startled me and my knees and lower legs went wobbly. They suddenly and briefly felt like ‘not my legs’. I didn’t actually fall down and spent several minutes unable to move — that would have made it clear, and it would have put me straight into the ‘you know it when you have it’-category. Instead, I caught myself and the feeling went away. The last time I had the feeling my eyes closed, but I don’t really know.

Another time, I laughed and my jaw felt tingly (not pricking like when your leg falls asleep) and almost like I had a shot at the dentist. It didn’t hurt, it mostly felt ‘not quite there’ and heavy. It lasted maybe three seconds.

Another time I sat on the sofa, with my ankles crossed and watched something on youtube and laughed out loud, a lot. My legs felt funny, very tingly (not pricking) and ‘not there’ and when I tried to move them I couldn’t. It has some similarities to what I feel when I fall asleep on my arm and then my arm pricks and tingles and whatnot, except, it doesn’t hurt. At all. The sleeping on the arm hurts, or at the very least feels very uncomfortable. The thing with my legs, didn’t.

For me ‘you know it when you have it’ has the problem that I can always find another reason.

I could have not eaten well that day (I did, but maybe I should have eaten more and better because I had one of those days where the default amount doesn’t do it. Could happen!).

Maybe I got up to fast, and my bloodpressure couldn’t keep up (Not really, I didn’t get up shortly before in any of the above situations.)

Maybe I just didn’t sleep well (ok, I kid. Really.).